Christmas Access 101

It doesn’t matter if you believe in Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, or don’t celebrate at all.  The long “winter break” is a time for increased conflict between separated parents.   Every year the courts are clogged in mid-December with parents battling about who gets Christmas day, or whether this year is one parent’s turn to take the kids to visit relatives or for a warm foreign vacation. 

Here are some tips to avoid conflict this season:

·         Plan Christmas by the end of September.  That leaves lots of time to sort it out, tell your relatives, book flights, etc.

·         All significant presents to the kids should be “from Mom & Dad”.  Don’t make it a competition. 

·         Discuss major gifts with the other parent in advance – maybe they will contribute to the cost.

·         Whatever time you want with the kids this Christmas time, agree the other parent can have at least as much next year.

·         Ensure that you arrange for some phone time or video time between the kids and the other parent on Christmas Day (etc.).

·         As much as possible, don’t give your child a gift that will anger the other parent: pets, piercings, or any item you refuse to allow the child to carry between homes.

·         If the other parent is not permitted to spend time with the kids, reassure them that they are safe with you.

·         Take pictures and share them with the other parent (and extended family).  He wants to see the kids opening presents at her house.  She wants to see his family celebrating with the kids.

·         Make it about the kids, not you.

Winter break or whatever you call it is an important time for children.  Clear communication and clear arrangements can head off stress and expense.  Have a happy holiday, not holy hell on the last day of December the court sits.