Some stores already have Christmas decorations for sale. Ugh. Who wants to think about Christmas so early?

It doesn’t matter whether you celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, pagan Yule, Ashura, or don’t celebrate at all.  The long “winter break” is a time for increased conflict between separated parents.   Every year the courts are clogged in mid-December with parents battling about who gets Christmas day, or whether this year is one parent’s turn to take the kids to visit relatives or for a warm foreign vacation.  What should be a happy time is ruined by fighting and legal expense.

This year, the kids will be out of school from 23 December to 08 January.

Here are some tips to avoid conflict this season:

• Plan Christmas by the end of September.  That leaves lots of time to sort it out with your ex-spouse and the kids, tell your relatives who is going to where when, book flights, etc.

• Don’t forget: You may have to coordinate with your new spouse’s ex-spouse, and their family!

• All significant presents to the kids should be “from Mom & Dad”.  Don’t make it a competition. 

• Discuss major gifts with the other parent in advance – maybe they will contribute to the cost.

• Whatever time you want with the kids this Christmas time, agree the other parent can have at least as much next year.

• Ensure that you arrange for some phone time or video time between the kids and the other parent on Christmas Day (etc.).

• As much as possible, don’t give your child a gift that will anger the other parent: pets, piercings, or any item you refuse to allow the child to carry between homes.

• If a court order prevents the other parent from spending time with the kids, reassure the kids that they are safe with you.

• Take pictures of your time with the kids and share them with the other parent (and extended family). You each will want to see the kids’ fun and excitement at the other’s place. So will the kids!

• Make it about the kids, not you.

Winter break or whatever you call it is an important time for children.  Clear communication and clear arrangements can head off stress and expense.  Have a happy holiday, not holy hell on the last day of December the court sits.

At Clear Legal, some of us have been working on our “Santa size” since 1990. We do it for you. And for the mincemeat tarts.