Family Law: Negotiation
A reasonable deal is better than a great trial.
When family cases go to trial: (1) the parents spend a fortune – figure at least $15K per day of trial; (2) positions harden; (3) any previous cooperation is usually destroyed; (4) a stranger decides what’s best for your child; and (5) the decision typically takes many months to be announced.
By all means, go to trial when that’s necessary. My income depends on it. If the issues are important, and cannot be negotiated or compromised: go to trial.
But remember that you and the other parent will have to cooperate at some level for the rest of your child’s life. Every school event. Every birthday. Every vacation. When your child graduates, gets married, has a baby. You can choose to make every event a battle. This will ensure you each spend every cent you have, poison your relationship with your child, the other parent, and every new boyfriend/girlfriend you find in the future.
Or you can pick your battles. When your child turns 30, will it matter that s/he took swimming lessons versus hockey? That your access time was this day versus that day? That you split summer vacation in two week blocks versus a month each? Nope.
What will matter is that your child saw that you and the other parent could split up, but still put the child ahead of your petty anger. What will matter is that your child was allowed to love each of you, without being made to feel guilty. Children learn what they live. Want to make your child a terrible person? Then be bitter and obstructive with the other parent.
During your relationship, you and the other parent cooperated. “Honey can you pick up the kids?” The answer was: “Sure”. Your response post-separation should not be: “S/he is so irresponsible. We should go to court.” Don’t put gas on the fire. And don’t allow your lawyer to do it. That fire will burn you up, and keep us warm. Hire a lawyer who will give you clear guidance on reducing your legal costs and increasing your practical benefits.
