Family Litigation – What Do You Want?

One of the worst parts of family law is that everything becomes a battle.  Before separation, the parents worked together.  If one was running late, the other would look after the child.  If they disagreed about an activity, they worked it out. 

After separation, all cooperation often ends.  Instead of doing their best for the kids, the parents often want to “win”.  They fight about what’s “fair” – instead of what’s in the child’s best interest.

Instead of figuring out the (usually simple) financial issues, they delay, obstruct, and disobey court orders.  They throw away money on fights they can’t win.  Just to “get even”.

They waste money and emotions on petty issues.  They seek revenge for past issues: Sleep with someone else, you don’t get to see our child!  And forget about any financial support!  What until I tell our friends, your family, and your employer, what a monster you are!  I will tell all my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram (etc.) followers each and every detail of our lawsuit!

Idiotic, right?

Some ex-spouses are so caught up in anger, that they insist on asking the court to take away everything from the other spouse (or give themselves everything).  There’s no rationality.  What might have been some legitimate issues and some areas of compromise – even of success – turns into a “bonfire” approach.  Nothing can be agreed to.  Every issue adds gas to the fire. 

This approach guarantees (1) you will spend every dime you have, (2) the lawyers get rich, (3) your life will be horrible for years to come as you fight every tiny issue with your ex, and (4) your kids will end up damaged (likely hate you) and will never have a healthy relationship – due to your teaching that their other parent is evil.

Good lawyers sort out what’s important. 

·         Family violence?  For sure we will deal with that seriously. 

·         Just generally immature behaviour?  Save your money and energy.  Courts can’t order people to be grown-ups. 

·         Stuff that’s truly meaningless (like which day your kid goes to which activity)?  A good lawyer will work to create a compromise everyone can accept.  Not “be happy with”.  Accept.

It's clearly the better option to be a grownup.  It's clearly the better option to save your money, your energy, and the happiness of your kids.