When a parent poisons a child’s relationship with another parent by brainwashing the child, it’s called “parental alienation.”  It’s child abuse.  It’s “family violence” as defined by the Family Law Act.  And, it’s evil.

A wise judge once commented that every child knows it is half Dad and half Mom.  So, if Dad says terrible things about Mom, the child believes that half of themselves is a terrible person.

A recent examination of parental alienation is in MSR v. DMR: https://canlii.ca/t/jrfn1.  This is an interesting case for a number of reasons.  Justice Mike Thomas has no background in family law.  His background was mostly in medical negligence defence.  He’s only been a judge since February 2022.  So, it’s quite a departure for Justice Thomas to write what is likely to be regarded as “the” definitive judgment on parental alienation.  It’s a huge long decision (391 paragraphs), detailed, measured, patient, and wise.

It's not really surprising.  When Mike Thomas was “just a lawyer” we battled on lots of cases.  He was a tough customer.  But always smart – like you could feel the heat coming off his head smart.  Not just “book smart”.  He understood people.  Heck, he liked people.  And he had a heart.  It was hard for me to see him as the enemy.  We’d bash away, but always grudgingly like each other.

Now he’s applied that brain and that heart – and that understanding of real people – to the complex and terrible issue of parental alienation.

I’m going to refer to the parents as the “alienator” and the “rejected”.

Parental alienation is characterized by four factors:

1.     A previously solid relationship with the rejected parent;

2.     Lack of any abuse or neglect by the rejected parent (hating someone who tortures you isn’t alienation);

3.     Behaviors consistent with alienation by the alienator, such as:

a.     Limiting contact by the child with the rejected parent;

b.     Confiding in the child (making them a combatant in the lawsuit):

c.     Bad-mouthing the rejected parent in front of the child;

d.     Polarizing the child (convincing the child that it has to love the alienator, and hate the rejected parent); and

e.     Withholding information about the child from the rejected parent.

4.     Behaviors consistent with alienation by the child (it’s only alienation if it succeeds).

Parental alienation affects the child so severely, the only effective remedy is to deprogram the child.  It’s like the child was brainwashed by a cult.  

In this case, Justice Thomas determined that the only way to save this child was to prohibit all contact with the alienator (dad) for at least 90 days.  If the dad, his mother, a social worker (who had inappropriately taken dad’s side and now faced College discipline) had any contact with the child, the 90 days would restart.  He gave all parental authority to mom, including allowing her to ban any of dad’s friend’s or relatives from contacting the child.  He ordered specialized (“reunification”) counselling for mom and the child.  He ordered dad to pay $60,000 for the reunification counselling.

Justice Thomas ordered that for at least a year, he would be the only judge allowed to hear any further matters in the case.

Parental alienation is pouring poison in a child’s ear. If you are doing it: STOP.  If another parent is doing it to your child: we can help.  The lawyers at Clear Legal have been protecting children from harm since 1990.